Bad Drivers: Confused or Crazy?

I can’t stand other drivers! I couldn’t stand them when I was able to drive, and now that my wife does all the driving, I find that I still can‘t stand them! Don’t people remember anything they learned in drivers-ed? I remember my driver education class. I also remember a lot of my class mates not paying attention. So I guess it goes without saying that those, now adults, get confused whenever they try to recall things they should have learned. The problem with this is, they’re trying to recall these things while driving!

Take the ‘Two-Second-rule’ for example. Do you remember the two second rule? No, it doesn’t mean forget the driving rules two seconds after you take your driving test! It doesn’t mean two seconds after the light turns green you must be doing sixty miles an hour. Nor does it mean that it’s okay to stop on the interstate on-ramp (if you only stop for two seconds) prior to merging. As you can see the two second rule appears to be a confusing rule for many people. It very simply means that you should maintain a two second interval between your car, and the car ahead of you.

‘Following distance’ is another term I’ve noticed people having a difficult time understanding. Frankly, I wish there was a book to teach them what it isn’t! Following distance does not refer to your skidding distance following slamming on your brake pedal. It is not defined as the distance traveled when following someone home from the pub. Certainly it doesn’t refer to the distance it’s safe to drive following drinking at that pub. In a way, for this last example, following distance could mean the distance driven to jail (in a squad car) following being pulled over.

Reaction-time is another one of those confusing concepts. For example, some people define it as the time it takes to put down their cell-phone and ‘flip you off’. Others think it’s the time it takes to roll down their window and scream obscenities. Amazingly, some people have become unbelievably astute at performing these three actions, and can do them (simultaneously within the time it takes me to react with, “Oh my God!”. Still others believe that ‘reaction time’ is the time it takes to recover their dropped cell-phone, which slipped from their hand while trying to put on make-up, drive, eat a breakfast burrrito and talk on the phone simultaneously. So, what do they do? They search the floor-board with one hand while steering down the road with the elbow on the other arm, trying not to spill the coffee they are holding. Now can you see why I don’t like other drivers?

Another driving element many people (myself included) can’t seem to understand is the labeling of stretches of highway (where you have to slow down) ‘speed’ zones? Wouldn’t ‘slow’ zones make more sense? Just because I don’t speed through them, doesn’t mean I understand them. Unfortunately, I have witnessed, first-hand, many people (not understanding) flying through school ‘speed’ zones dodging kids left and right as if they were orange cones on a stunt driving course. Alarmingly, these school zones are the same areas where you will commonly see signs that read, ’SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY’! Some of these kids can’t even run out of the way!

Highway construction signs that read, ’men working give them a brake’ are confusing to more than a few people; I’ve noticed. It’s because of this knowledge that I’ll never be one of those workers. Believe it or not, my brother-in-law is a highway worker. Last Thursday a driver slowed down and threw a used brake pad at him shouting, “have a brake!” If that isn’t bad enough, last year I saw a driver give a worker two breaks: both of them legs!

Unfortunately, it’s not just on the streets and highways that other drivers get confused. Many of them get this way in parking lots as well. For instance, some drivers believe that if they can use their ‘hand’ to put on and take off their ‘cap‘, then they can park in the ‘handicapped’ spot! Additionally, some people get confused in terms of their vehicle size. For example, I recently witnessed a lady trying to park her Lincoln Navigator into a space that I would hesitate to park a Yugo. Oh, she managed to park it there, but it took three failed attempts at exiting her Navigator through the doors before she realized that because she wedged herself in between two other vehicles so tightly, she’d have to climb out through the back window.

Even worse than being confused, some drivers, especially women, loose their minds in shopping center parking lots . We’ve all seen them creeping along ( driving laps around the same lanes of parked cars) circling; looking like vultures waiting for something to die, or we’ve seen them impatiently idling in-place, hell-bent on getting a space close to the door. I submit, If you look closely enough, you will see red furious eyes, and clenched- barred teeth. You’ll also see their white-knuckled death-grip on their steering wheels, and veins popping out of their foreheads, forearms and necks. Caution is strongly advised whenever any shopper finally comes out and heads up one of the many parking lanes. Dangerously, in an effort to get to the space the approaching shopper leaves behind first (the driver, who by now has worked herself into a psychotic frenzy) suddenly floors it (squalling her tires, peeling rubber and smoking up the place) as if she were doing a victory burn out at Daytona! God forbid any children are watching as another driver gets to that spot first, since the now irate woman has the perfect excuse to ‘show-off’ her reaction-time by rolling down her window, screaming and flipping him off (in a flash)!

Being able to perform a U-turn, a three-point-turn, as well as being able to parallel park are skills that can certainly come in handy from time to time. Unfortunately, I have come to suspect that many people get confused when they attempt the execution of such maneuvers. A ‘U-turn’ turns into a U-end-up-in-the-ditch turn, a ’three-point-turn’ ends up being a ’three hour display of transmission shifting ability, and parallel parking looks like someone ran out of gas (in the middle of the road) and left the car right where it quit! People who drive like this should have their licenses revoked! Don’t you agree?

To sum this all up, you take your life in your own hands whenever you are on the road with stupid, idiotic, and confused drivers. It doesn’t matter if you are driving, just riding (like me) or simply a pedestrian you must keep your eyes open at all times. Sometimes though, I think I’d be better off if I went around blindfolded. This way, I wouldn’t see all the confusion going on around me.