How to Choose a Mate: Considerations

By Daniel Taverne

“Mate” sounds so biological doesn’t it? Maybe that’s the point! Maybe finding a mate is a call to not only find someone who will complement you as a human being by giving you companionship and support, but to also give and help you raise children.

Keeping that in mind, everyone should know that choosing a mate is one of the most important decisions a person will ever make. Unfortunately many people go about trying to complete this task as if it were a timed event at the Hurry-Up-and-Get-Married-Olympics! Well, I’m here to let you know that acting in this manner could leave you depressed (if not divorced) within a few short years.

Prior to beginning a relationship, it’s important to understand that people entering relationships will deceive each other. That’s right! Think about it, how many times have you ladies been impressed by guys who act polite, are sensitive, tactful and actually hold the door for you; only to discover later on that your “sweet man” has geared up for the see-how-loud-he-can-flatuate-in front of you-Olympics!

At the onset of any relationship, each person wants to please the other. This is only natural. At first, he will help you with the dishes, and you’ll happily pick his socks up from the floor. Eventually though, both will gradually stop these niceties, and both will begin to feel the other needs to change their ways.

I can’t tell you how often I’ve observed women get married to men who they subsequently tried to change. This wouldn’t be necessary if the put on was discovered prior to making commitments. Armed with this knowledge of deception, either person in the relationship could break it off when unacceptable behaviors are discovered.
This is why dating is so important. The hottest guy or girl can be the biggest slob you’ve ever met. However it may take getting to know the person first, before you find out you cant stand his/her ways.

That said, you have to consider what you will and will not put up with, then you have to find out weather or not your potential mate conflicts with your expectations. If, for example, you know for sure that you can not live with a person with chronic gas who audibly and purposely flatuates in public, then you better make sure you don’t marry someone who does this.

The song opposites attract is true in some ways, but in others it’s like mixing water and oil. You should have some common values. Is it important for you to have an honest partner? Is it important for you to have a partner with some integrity who says what he means and means what he says? Are you and your potential mate in agreement on how child discipline should be implemented?

Ladies, when arguing, be honest. Don’t resort to turning “occasional” misgivings by your man into accusations of “always” doing what ever. Also, your response to a man’s complaint of, “You don’t give me much attention anymore.” shouldn’t be a counter complaint blaming that lack of intimacy on him.

Potential Mate Considerations:

* If your guy’s favorite past time is sitting on a stool in a mind numbed stupor, drooling on the bar he might not be right for you.

* If your ladies laugh reminds you of getting your teeth drilled by a dentist, and you don’t like it…She’s probably not the one.

* If you are a regular church going person, and your man can’t speak more than 3 sentences without using a 4 letter word, you might want to think twice.

* If you don’t like that everywhere you go a different guy approaches your lady friend hugging and kissing her, regardless of the “friendships” she claims to have had with them, you might want to think about finding someone else. This can be an issue if your expressed discomfort with this practice is ignored.


* If your significant other has a habit of “one-upping” everything you say, you might want to reconsider who you’ve chosen. For example, if you say you have a splitting headache, and it’s quickly followed up by your significant other saying, “Oh yea, my head isn’t just splitting, it’s exploding, I didn’t get any sleep last night, my tooth aches, and my stomach is bloated with gas!” Then you might want to reconsider the relationship.

Choosing a mate involves finding someone who complements who you are. There are open minded people, narrow minded people, there are people who dramatize everything, people who dramatize nothing, and people at all points in between. What type is your current potential mate, and does this please you?

Another potential mate consideration is considering what you can do to keep insignificant issues from becoming serious problems. Take the proverbial toothpaste cap, for instance. My wife is the world’s worse at capping the toothpaste. This would be a problem only if I let it. Instead of constantly complaining about it, I simply buy my own toothpaste that is always capped when I go to use it.

Don’t be the one who says, “I told you so.” It is so easy to say this, yet what good does it do to rub the nose of the person you supposedly love in a mistaken belief, phrase or other blunder? This practice only creates resentment, and subsequent “I told you so” phrases later when you get caught in a verbal blunder of your own.

Finally, finding a mate is a serious endeavor that most people will advise not to rush. More than once I’ve heard people say they met their significant other when they finally stopped looking. Furthermore, being smart about human nature and realizing the potential deception that can occur will help you see your potential mates as human beings with flaws rather than hotties who can do no wrong.