With Death, Who Leaves Whom? (Humorous)

by Daniel Taverne

In the news tonight, I listened as the anchorman informed our nation that John Walton, heir to the Wal-mart fortune, was killed in an accident. We were told that he crashed ultra-light plane he was piloting, almost in the same sentence that he told us Walton was one of the wealthiest men in the world, and that he was worth some 18 billion dollars. The newsman then somberly pointed out which next-of-kin he left behind. Although I probably won't say anything that hasn't already been said concerning death, this last part of the report got me to wondering: When we die, are we leaving the living behind or do the living move on, leaving us behind?

When attempting to address this question, one has to look back upon ones own life, look at the present, and then try to predict what the future holds. It then has to be determined which idea is more comforting for ones own piece of mind. When I made my attempt to answer this question, I looked back on my own life and found that the notion of being left behind does has familiar connotation's for me, dating back to my childhood. In fact, it only took this one incident to make me feel that being left behind was an unpleasant proposition. It was when I was about three years old that my mom and dad informed me they were going out for a while. I was told that I'd be staying home with the baby sitter, and that I was to be good. Well, when my parents finally returned, they both had ice cream cones. From then on, until I was around seven my parents never went anywhere together (without me) until I received a good spanking for throwing a temper tantrum. My point is, I didn't want to be left behind for fear of what I might be missing out on.

There were times though when I certainly did like being left behind. I liked being left behind on those occasions when my mother took my sister shopping, to the beauty salon, and to ballet lessons. I also liked being left behind when the rest of my family went over to my Aunt Kathy's house. She had a way of planting a nasty wet kiss on my cheek that made me think of a slug crawling across my face. My point here is, as a kid there were allot of occasions when being left behind meant that I'd be spared having to endure unpleasant circumstances. So, when I die, I wonder what unpleasant circumstances I'll not have to endure.

when my little sister was growing up, I grew to understand just how truly liberating the idea of leaving others behind could be. You see, my sister was like an accessory that came with me at no additional charge. That is, wherever I went, she followed. Fortunately, this wasn't all the time. There were, in fact, rare occasions when I had the opportunity to run and play with the other boys without her. It was these times when I could work on my spitting, and cussing proficiency, and when I would turn into a 'big-shot' in front of my friends. This freedom induced euphoria buried my inhibition’s and I confidently did all those forbidden things I Wouldn’t have done when she was around for fear of her tattling on me. So you see, the idea of leaving others behind isn't necessarily a bad thing. Neither is it necessarily a good thing.

One afternoon, I was dared by four of my 'friends' to put our biology projects (dissected earthworms, into our teacher’s handbag. Well, after the teacher regained consciousness, and after my four snickering 'friends' were done pointing at me, I was dragged to the principal's office (alone) by my left ear lobe. It was only seconds later when, my 'singled out' fanny became well acquainted with Mr. Barefield's paddle. Here, leaving others behind was a negative thing. I was angry because I was dragged away leaving my four 'friends' behind.

Having looked at the past, I then looked at the present, and used it to imagine what the future might be like after I'm gone. Currently, I see that everything is more costly than ever, making it harder and harder for common people to get by. Also, we humans are consuming the world’s natural resources at an alarming rate, and there is a pervasive feeling of discontent affecting almost everyone I know. In addition, man has gone so far against nature by either doing things, or allowing things that are such blatant challenges of its authority, that I wonder how long it will be before it retaliates. Specifically, Unnatural 'Lifestyle' choices, as well as growing babies outside of mothers, and killing babies inside them are a few examples.

Presently, we are also contending with war, famine, mysterious diseases, terrorist sleeper-cells, and a whole myriad of other problems. Sadly, I've concluded that the future probably isn't going to be a place I would want to continue living in. I think that I will welcome the day that I leave everyone else behind, or that I get left behind by the living. When that day comes, I don't think this debate will matter much though, since at that moment, looking at it either way will be comforting. I hope.